I feel like I'm losing, because I'm certainly not winning.
All I'm doing is slipping through the cracks, running off the tracks, losing my control.
I wish I could change all of these wrongs and put them on someone who deserves it.
I wish I could heal those who didn't do anything to receive their illness or affliction, but sadly I can't.
I'm losing my family.

     I wish I was pretty. I wish I was perfect. I wish I could stay happy. I wish I was what he deserved. I wish I was worth it. I wish I was lovable enough to be waited for, because I'm waiting. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up. I wish I was all he wanted. I wish I'd be chosen over those closest to him, just because I can't be there with him.

I feel like I'm losing my love.

     I wish I wasn't losing what I did have control over, my emotions included.
I learned how to hate and how to guard my heart, but then I forgot and let my walls down, finding love.
     But now, I've remembered how to hate, and it's too late for me to stop and try to forget. I wish all of these things weren't happening, because I've come to hate God, hate my grandmother, hate my mother, aunts, pretty much everyone. I wish I wasn't expected to put aside my own problems to help someone with theirs every single time someone else has a problem and I know. I wish i was allowed to be upset without being called wrong. I wish my emotions weren't considered flaws.

I'm losing myself, and how I was.